Skinny jeans and Shower Power - trespass magazine column

Twelve months ago, I was working full-time as a television reporter. I was into fashion, read books, loved music, discussed current affairs. I coloured my hair, wore a bikini, watched the news and looked forward to a good party.

I’ve since left my full-time gig in favour of freelance, to be home with my baby boy. Other than that, not much has changed… except maybe my comfort level in a bikini, and the frequency in which I attend said parties.

I have, of course, entered a new demographic. I’m now a mum, who happens to spend a lot more time at home. I still dress the same, think the same, crack the same jokes … yet when I flick on the telly I’m left wondering if I missed the part where new mums are required to enter a phone booth to be transformed into Mrs Brady.

Now I know most chick-flicks and TV dramas are full of yummy-mummies and ultra-cool mamas, but when it comes to commercials aimed at us real mums, it’s a different story. Clearly, mums are the target market for a lot of consumer goods, so there’s no shortage of ads, all aimed at the likes of me. Apparently.

Now I need Shower Power as much as the next mum, but when I watch these ads, it’s not me I see. I see a mumsy bunch, with matching pony tails, three quarter jeans and collared shirts.

Does giving birth and taking on a few home duties mean the end of skinny jeans, summer dresses and high heels?

But it’s not just the daggy dress code that leaves me cringing. I don't know about you other mums out there, but I don't use a magnifying glass to clean my toilet, and I don’t inwardly gloat when my friends use the bright white bowl.

I don’t use phrases like “not in my house” when I see finger prints on the stainless steel. And I do not feel smug about the mess my chicken stock meal has made (Tess and her REAL family I find particularly annoying!)

Don’t get me wrong, I wear trackies with the best of them. I cook, clean, compare nappy brands, even bake the odd batch of muffins - but I do it in my denim cutoffs listening to Groove Armada dammit.

And once it’s done I’m off to play with my son, or read a book, or call a friend, or go shopping. These ads would have you believe the sparkle of the shower floor is a daily highlight. And if a neighbour stops by and happens to witness the sparkle, well, even better!



Am I alone in my frustration, I wonder? Are my shiny bathroom taps really enough to make my friends green with envy? Do they watch these TV mums with an understanding nod, or find the stereotype as irritating as I do?

Do most mums spend their day worrying about that stain they saw on hubby’s shirt as he walked out the door? Or do they see the stain, deal with it and move onto more important things.

More likely, there’s no such thing as an average mum. At the end of the day, we’re all human.

Now - time to try that new stain remover.

(NB: This rant does not apply to nappy commercials to which I can easily relate and to which I have been know to shed the occasional tear)

Having it all - when the rules keep changing

I am now officially a blogger. And as I sit down to write my first post, my mind drifts to other tasks that need doing - research story, do washing, write press release, sterilise bottles, read to baby, feed baby, bath-time, play-time, cook dinner, converse with husband, and - maybe - read a few pages of my book.

They say Generation Y (of which I am only just) wants it all. And since emerging from my new-mum cocoon, I thought I was doing pretty well at achieving the common goal. I might not have it all, all of the time - and not as much of all as I'd like - but I did think I was managing to get the balance right.

But after spending several months in a bubble of baby-bliss, I hadn't realised things have changed. The requirements for "having it all" have been upgraded, with a whole new list of must-dos adding to the pressure of getting it right - life that is.

Domesticity is back in vogue, with many young women proud to call themselves a Domestic Goddess. As I note this new buzz word I think to myself, I must be one of these Goddesses. I have chosen to work freelance to be home with my baby, after all. I spend much of the day taking care of said bub, I get the washing done, prepare dinner (order it at the very least), I even bought a Swivel Sweeper.

It turns out I am no such thing. A true Domestic Goddess does more than simply keep the pantry stocked. She grows her own vegetables, bakes cakes from scratch and baby food must be home made - cooked, mashed and divided into tiny containers. She always washes whites separately, labels Tupperware and never resorts to long-life milk.

And when it comes to dinner, thanks to an endless supply of cooking shows, a basic meal just doesn't cut it. It turns out cooking is an art to be enjoyed and savoured. Who knew?

Be it work life, home life, social life or family life - when it comes to having it all, the goal posts keep getting further away - or at least shifting. Yet we keep on running towards them. Why? I asked one of Australia's most well-known balancing acts, Mia Freedman her views on the endless quest to have it all.

On having it all - just not all of the time...

"I could have chosen to continue my corporate career in management but I pressed the eject button two years ago when I left what was then Australia's leading media company, PBL. I ejected for a number of reasons including the fact that I was no longer fulfilled by the constant politics and stress and people management that comprises any management role."

On Gen Y and wanting it all...

"A couple my friends are in their twenties, both ambitious but equally keen on marriage and babies.

"I also think our expectations for happiness are far higher with every generation.

"I know Gen Y look at Gen X and Boomers and think we're a pack of sad losers half the time and wonder why the hell we don't chase our own personal happiness more aggressively. They may be right."

On being a Domestic Goddess...

"When we were kids, it was all about pass-the-parcel and a Mintie hunt. Pin the tail on the donkey. And there was one prize in the pass-the-parcel.

"Now, every time the damn music stops and a layer of paper is unwrapped, there has to be a gift. And it's not Minties anymore, it's Cadbury Favourites with mini Snickers and Picnics and Flakes and then you need to have separate food for the parents who won't leave and expect to be served proper coffee so it's like having two parties and then you have to book a fairy or Spiderman and then lolly bags and it's all just giving me a headache thinking about it".

On changing the rules...

"I believe it's a good thing to have high expectations for happiness. Heaven forbid we convince ourselves that a mediocre existence is all we can aim for.

But is there unhappiness or perhaps stress inherent in all the choices and control (well, compared to our mothers and grandmothers) we have as women today?"

Mia Freedman is a media commentator, author, mum and owner of website Mama Mia